Monday, April 15, 2013

Deck of Cards

One day a councillor was walking through the Town Hall when he spotted a junior member of staff playing cards at his desk. Taking the worker to task the councillor asked for an explanation. "And it had better be a good one."

And the worker said...

When I see the ace I think of this single council that we all work for. One big cock-up.

When I see the two, I think of the dual nature of the councillor's role. On the one hand they are managing the council's strategic vision. On the other hand, they represent the public, as users of the council's services. Two-faced swine.

And when I see the three I think of the politicians, the press and the statutory inspection regime. All kicking the shit out of us.

When I see the four I think of the Fantastic Four. Who'd still be waiting for the hardware to be delivered prior to take-off if this council had had anything to do with it.

The five reminds me of the number of months you you're advised have to wait for an urgent decision.

When I think of the six I think of the number of months you really have to wait for an urgent decision.

When I see the seven I think of the number of complaints received by this council each month. Well, seven of them.

When I see the eight I think of an octopus. My doctor says it's the strain of working for this council.

And when I see the nine I think of the average number of Assistant Executive Directors in a department. After the cuts.

When I see the ten I think of the ten Executive Directors. One goalie short of a team.

When I see the knave I think of Eric Pickles. For some reason or other.

When I see the queen I remember there was about one now sadly passed away.

And when I see the king I am reminded of that one great figure that influences our lives. The man who brings round the sandwiches.

So you see, my pack of cards is my Org Chart, my aide-memoire and my public administration vademecum.

And the councillor said: "Did you say something?"


Helen Devries said...

I enjoyed that...much better than the lugubrious American 'Deck of Cards'.

Pat said...

That takes courage except the worker would probably know the councillor had cloth ears.

dinahmow said...

Long, long ago, before he turned into a boring old fart, I heard David Frost do a similar piece on a cricket bag.
I think you're more amusing.

Gadjo Dilo said...

You missed out the joker. But I guess that's such an obvious one that it wasn't worth mentioning.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Ta Helen

Kevin Musgrove said...

That's an oft-calculated risk, Pat!

Kevin Musgrove said...

I'm old enough to remember that. It got re-used in "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again," giving Bill Oddie an opportunity to do his Frost impersonation (which isn't ad good as John Cleese's).

Kevin Musgrove said...

Councils never play their Joker