Sunday, March 03, 2013

Fancy dress

The Small Object of Desire and myself are going to a wedding this Spring. Not ours, I hasten to add; we've had that conversation and although (a) we both have the dressing-up togs and (b) we intend living together for a bit, it turns out that neither of us are fussed enough to go to the expense and neither of us could fit into the clobber anyway. Somebody else's.

The tension, as always in these affairs, is clothes. The bride-to-be told her bridesmaid (The Small Object) that she can have any colour dress so long as it's mid-blue. Luckily, in the end they both fell for something in royal blue with a blue gauze-y thing overlaying it to make it look shimmery mid-blue which they can both live with. So that leaves the shoes. Women and shoes. You know what I mean. Made worse by the bride's having Very Strong Views On Shoes and the Small Object having completely different Very Strong Views On Shoes. As only women can. Even intelligent women capable of being quite sensible and practical when the mood takes them. Or perhaps especially so. I suggested wellingtons. I don't know how I survived into my fifties.

And then there's the elephant in the room: my suit.

"We need to think about getting you a suit."
"We did that last month."
"No. A suit for the wedding. What sort of suit were you thinking about getting?"
"I wasn't. Can't I go in my new suit?"
"No, that's your work suit."
"How about one of the beige linen suits I've got?"
"Because they're beige and because they've all got stains along the arms where you've spilt tea and leant in it."
"They're good suits. Very comfy."
"Not with those trousers. I can tell your religion when you're wearing them."
"So not them then?"
"No. What sort of suit are you getting?"
"How about something nice in Black Watch tartan?"
"We'll talk about this later."
The awful thing is: I'm now at an age where I can see myself buying and wearing a suit in Black Watch tartan.


Webrarian said...

So you've not been party to the conversation about Handbags, then? If you thought Shoes was bag you really ain't seen nothing yet.

Believe me, when you've been Father of the Bride twice, anything is possible.

I stuck to a beige linen suit. Sod what everyone else thinks.

Scarlet Blue said...

I promise that I am very interested in the suit issue, but can you tell us more about the shoe dispute? Was it heels v flats? Or something more controversial?

dinahmow said...

Well, I should think if anyone gave you argument when wearing your Black Watch suit you could mention the regimental motto: no one provokes me with impunity.
Come to think of it, that's not a bad response to bridal disagreements.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Women and shoes - yes, I know what you mean. I think I have precisely 6 shoes (that's 3 pairs). But you yourself have hit on the anwswer there if you didst but know it! Research your ancestry, they'll be a Scot there somewhere, there always is - and one often has to pretend to be a Celt anyway these days as there's no cache in being English any more - and buy the full highland dress in the tarten of that family. Clears up every issue with no argument: jacket (Argyle), shoes (ghillie brogues), trousers (none). And the ladies love it, man.

wendy house said...

A kilt suit!

libby said...

I'm with Wendy...a man in a kilt looks great...whatever the tartan.

Pat said...

I'm sure I saw you in a lovely pale grey suit.
Seriously though marriage or no do both of you be sure that if one of you suddenly dies the other won't be left up the creek. I have heard some horror stories lately.
Just sayin'.

wendy house said...

Pat, are you planning something? ;-)

Pat said...

Wendy: I'm not capable of planning my dinner just now.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Webrarian: Luckily enough, neither are into bags, thank God!

Scarlet: It was peep toe or not. The Small Object of Desire, quite rightly, doesn't like the idea of squidging her toes up at the end of the shoe and then forcing them through a sharp little hole at the front. They have settled things amicably.

dinahmow: the family motto is hokeypokeycokey

Gadjo: It may yet be a Fair Isle singlet and yellow check golf trousers.

Wendy and libby: Behave yourselves!

Pat: Thanks for the warning. We have few illusions left.