Bankers

I am irritated to bits by the news that a bank is offering Mockney rhyming slang as one of the languages on its cash machines.

"Enter your Gunga"
"Do you want to top up your dog and bone?"

Yick.

I don't know why they don't go the whole hog and include all the operation in this charade.

"That'll be Oliver, sir."
Oliver Reed = "we'll accidentally deduct a standing order payment from your account and then hit you for unauthorised overdraft charges until your eyes bleed."

"Oh no, sir, plumber's."
Plumber's mate = "we don't see anything remotely unethical in hitting you for mortgage charges 8% above the Base Lending Rate."

And of course...

"Donald is the watch word of our small business service."
Donald Duck = "We know and understand that cash flow is the single biggest problem facing the start-up business and that this necessarily causes unpredictable ebbs and flows in the liquidity of the account but, quite frankly, we couldn't give a flying fuck."