Thursday, April 24, 2008

More plans...

Things to do number four: The Cyclist

Being a pedestrian, I heartily detest the average cyclist. The hypocrisy of cyclists is most evident at traffic lights: when was the last time you saw one actually stop at a red light?Whilst at once whining about the aggression of drivers and the being victims of random dangers the buggers whizz along the pavement caring not one whit for the safety of pedestrians. Let's make one thing very clear: bicycles are vehicles and have no place on the pavement. No, tell you what: let's make two things very clear:

  • Bicycles have no place on pavements and bicycles are required by law to have working bells.
Make the connection?

I have no issue with tiny tots riding their bikes on the pavements: it's a balance of risks I'm happy to live with. Hairy great pillocks in sweat and spandex? No chance.

If the time ever comes, I'll be kicking the back wheels out from under the bastards when they scoot past.

Things to do number five: The Crown Prosecution Service

It occurs to me that should the time ever come, some may think that these blog entries suggest a degree of premeditation on my part. I'd best remember to take out the CPS just to cover my back for a bit.


Ellis Nadler said...

What about extremely cautious elderly cyclists who occasionally ride very carefully at walking pace on the pavement?

Kevin Musgrove said...

I'm open to persuasion Ellis.

The Topiary Cow said...

Cow, also being a pedestrian, heartily disapproved of anything on wheels.

Unless, of course, they're Topiary. In that case, they get a pass.


fairyhedgehog said...

The dilemma: cycle along a 40mph road where cars zoom past at 50mph while I'm doing possibly 8mph on a good day; or: cycle gently along the pavement in first gear, stopping for every pedestrian but knowing that technically I'm breaking the law?

Some roads are terrifying. Cycle paths stop without reason or are just an optimistic line painted along the road to tell me I have the right to be there. Presumably when the white line stops I have to take wings and fly, as I'm certainly not allowed on the pavement.

When I'm driving a car I'd rather cyclists were on the pavement. You see young men out late at night with no lights and no sense of danger or their own mortality and they terrify me.

As a pedestrian, I've only met the slow variety of cyclist on the pavement so I can't say I'm bothered.

Kevin Musgrove said...

As a pedestrian, I'm afraid I too often find the idiots who think they're on the velodrome (or, more accurately, they find me), so I find that they're just transferring the terror from the road to the pavement. It's particularly bad when they come hurtling at you when you're squeezing past a car that's mostly-parked on the pavement.