Monday, March 08, 2010

The perils of manliness

For the past week I've been trying, and failing, to come up with a short and snappy comment on Tazeen's post about hopeless chat-up lines. I won't spoil things by telling you the offending comment but it is a classic of its kind.

Why do we do it? Oh, we all have done, let's be honest (perhaps not so spectacularly!). The answer, as always, is down to evolution.

Men are wired such that when they first approach a woman they find very seriously attractive they are more likely than not to say something utterly stupid. This is deliberate on Mother Nature's part. In the scheme of things the child-bearing partner in the relationship is bodily committed to a lengthy process of gestation and upbringing so she needs to be particular about finding a suitable mate. Now let's the honest, the usual combination of raging testosterone, general manliness and a pair of well-polished shoes would ordinarily be irresistible. So Mother Nature, in her wisdom, has redressed the balance by providing a hurdle for the gentleman to negotiate in the relationship. Just as the peahen is attracted by the peacock that can survive the rigours of the jungle despite the burden of an unfeasibly-long train of feathers so the female of our species stops and thinks to herself: "Bloody hell! Well, if they've not killed him by now he's either got a lot of money or he's very good in bed."

Nature's marvels don't end there. We're told that ladies forget much of the pain of childbirth so as not to put them off having more children.* Men are similar: we can none of us remember that first, calamitous opening line.

Luckily, we have the womenfolk to do that. Often. In company.



*I notice it's generally male doctors telling us this, not ladies who've had children.

14 comments:

Pat said...

It's not just men. In my youth I would be perfectly fine until approached by someone I fancied and then would have him take to to the hills in ten seconds flat by something I said. Such a bore!

Kevin Musgrove said...

Pat: I don't believe you. (-:

Elizabeth said...

Pat, I don't believe you either. :)

Kevin (and all perplexed chaps), this one is for you. ;)

Kevin Musgrove said...

Elizabeth: I'm waiting for the manned landing on the lady in the shoe shop.

willow said...

Mother Nature is a genius.

Lulu LaBonne said...

Come on share your best ones Kevin - better still share the worst

Pat said...

Kevin and Elizabeth: would I lie?

Gadjo Dilo said...

No, I also have Pat down as being a women of great poise :-)

(But being a chap has it's downside too. Is childbirth more painful that a kick in the goolies?? Err, probably.)

Elizabeth said...

Gadjo, think of childbirth as a kick in the goolies that lasts, oh, about 20 hours.

Gaw said...

I remember my old man going on about his rugby injuries and my Mum being a bit sceptical. This annoyed him and he said she had no idea how painful it was to rupture your knee ligaments. She pointed out very forcefully that she'd had a lot worse, rupturing her fanny ligament, not once but three times. Dad, my brother, my sister and I left it there - point taken.

Kevin Musgrove said...

willow: indeed so.

Lulu: I'm impeccably wired and can remember dropping no bricks.

Pat: public opinion seems to be against you (-:

Gadjo: (we don't ask that question when ladies are around!)

Elizabeth: gas and air during the conception is a good thing I'm told.

Gareth: Elizabeth and your mother demonstrate why we don't ask Gadjo's question.

Madame DeFarge said...

M. DeFarge called me an ignorant prole. Guaranteed success with that.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Madame DeF: the silver-tongued chancer!

Elizabeth said...

Kevin, m'dear, conception is something I've managed quite nicely a few times with no gas or air, thank you very much. (OK, there was air.)

It's giving birth that I find problematic.

(Since you've asked. ;)