Thursday, September 11, 2008

Ladies' bottoms

All the papers had pictures of one of this year's winners of the 'Rear of the year award,' awarded by some or other group of bottom-worshippers since time immemorial. True to form, the papers only showed pictures of the lady winner, which is quite right too as it doesn't do for any chap to get too vain about his bottom. And also true to form she stood in the standard A-frame tilted forward at forty-five degrees pose. And very nice too. I won't link to the news reports because you'll already have seen them.

One of my friends used to have an exceptionally nice bottom. She may still do, I've not checked it out recently but given the amount of Killer Attack Yoga she does I can't imagine it will have gone very much to seed. She held onto gawky teenager for an indecently-long time, well into her late thirties. Which, coupled with her habit of wearing leggings to work, could be very distracting. In the old days girls were instructed that ladies bend from the knee, but these days it seems anything goes.

There's a lady on the train I get each morning who has been gifted with a delightful bottom. I'm not sure how old she is: her neck says late forties, her eyes say early fifties (though that could be too much sun and cigarettes). However old she actually is, her bottom is considerably younger. I'm still undecided as to whether this is all down to providence or artfully-selected trouser suits; decency prevents my making a thorough investigation. One of the laments of this modern age is that I feel so damned ungrateful. In a sane and just world I should be able to thank her for making the morning commuter hell a brighter place without her having to worry that I might want to act upon designs on her body (a lad can dream but ambition needs to be grounded in reason). As it is, it's the ingratitude that's so shaming.

8 comments:

Gadjo Dilo said...

Invite this train lady on a weekend to Naples, Kevin. She'll get all the bottom-pinching attention she can handle there and will return home feeling more appreciative of her own body and - here's the clincher - grateful to YOU.

scarlet-blue said...

Hello Kev,
We have a mutual friend called Mrs P. Anyhow, it is a rum deal isn't it? Us ladies want the compliments but then we slap you down when you do nothing more than whistle! It's not fair! May I suggest making eye contact and smiling? But try not to leer.
Sx

Kevin Musgrove said...

gd - one of my friends made the mistake of taking his lady friend to Naples and spent a month saying sorry!

scarlet-blue - ta for the advice. Sadly, I'm told that even my most seraphic smile looks like a drunken leer. And my drunken leer looks like I've having a brain haemmorage. Ah me...

No Good Boyo said...

I gather Brazil and its sultry vistas
Are now the nerve centre for all bottomistas
Thongs are considered evening wear.
Naples beware.

Kevin Musgrove said...

I don't think my eyesight could stand it.

having my cake said...

But I cycle to work each day!

I can only echo what scarlet-blue said... A smile of appreciation never goes amiss :)

Ellis Nadler said...

you've reached rock bottom

Kevin Musgrove said...

I shall try to pluck up courage and take the opportunity to smile gently and offer her the use of Hamlet's Protractor